Mahmoud Ahmad
A rapport between neighbors is almost nonexistent these days. Human relationships — once a binding force in the days of yore — are now shunned by the same people who fostered a society full of camaraderie. It is now common to see neighbors living in one building — sometimes in apartments or homes facing each other — not knowing each other. What is even more abysmal is that they do not care whether they know their neighbors, visit or help each other when someone is in dire need or even display a semblance of acknowledgement that there’s a human being nearby. In today’s world a neighbor would be extremely lucky if his neighbor said hello to him from a distance.
Being good to neighbors is stressed in Islam in both the Holy Qur’an and the Prophet’s saying. I quote a verse from the Qur’an: “Serve God, and join not any partners with Him; and do good — to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbors who are near, neighbors who are strangers, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and what your right hands posses: for God loves not the arrogant, the vainglorious.”
I also quote Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him): “Jibril kept recommending treating neighbors with kindness until I thought he would assign a share of inheritance”.
In another saying, I quote: “He who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him be kind to his neighbor; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him show hospitality to his guest; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him either speak good or remain silent”.
There is also another Prophet’s saying that stresses the importance of a neighbor: “He will not enter paradise, the one whose neighbor is not safe of him.”
With so many clear sayings, why have we developed apathy toward our neighbors? An Egyptian friend related an incident with his neighbor here. Back in his village, the Egyptian said that almost everyone knew each other and each of them helped each other. When he came to work in Saudi Arabia he was shocked to see, in his building, everyone intentionally tending to isolate himself in their own apartment. He was in for a rude shock when his poor attempt to get to know his neighbors was met with a statement “to mind his own business and live in his own ‘kingdom.’” He was told: “Stay away from your neighbors and their problems” is the common rule. In the event you do meet them on the way in or out, a simple salaam suffices. Some people even go to the extent of stating “a good life cannot exist if there is a neighbor”. Sadly these strange values are being passed on to their sons, who follow their parents’ behaviors.
Since when is a neighbor a problem? The problem with people these days is they think if a neighbor tries to get to know them, then there is an attempt to spy on them. Also people shy away from their neighbors in order not to be touched by their problems or for some money. The vast majority, when they spot their neighbors, pretend not to see them, and the neighbor responds in kind. The least they could say is “hello” when they meet accidentally in the street or a mosque.
The case could be different in poor neighborhoods or in smaller villages where the value of a neighbor is very much felt. In big cities people take the easy route to avoidance by blaming work, pressures of daily life and sometimes traffic. I know people who are living in south Jeddah and do not want to move to north Jeddah because of the value of neighbors that still exists there and they have good neighbors. They believe their neighbors are irreplaceable, laying stress on the common expression “a good neighbor is much more important than the house.”
It is extremely disappointing to see that this apathy toward neighbors is growing. Rarely people come forward to provide aid or even bodily help to a neighbor. Sometimes when there is death in the family of one of the neighbors, some within walking distance try hard to avoid going to the home to offer condolences.
I read a sad story in one of the newspapers about a Saudi man who had just moved into an apartment building. He noticed that his Saudi neighbor made every effort to avoid him and pretended that he did not hear him when he took the initiative to say hello. And on the occasion he responded, he was extremely cold. One day he decided to break the ice and invite him to dinner. He knocked on his neighbor’s door and his neighbor’s son opened it. He told him to tell his father that he is invited for dinner. When dinnertime came the man did not show up. He assumed that his neighbor’s son had failed to deliver the invitation. He knocked on the door again. This time the man opened the door and began shouting angrily to stop annoying him with his presence; to stop saying hello or even talk to him before slamming the door. The poor guy was left red-faced and stunned. He moved the next month to where neighbors were more friendly.
Why can’t we inculcate simple values that would make for a friendlier neighborhood? All it takes is a simple smile and an exuberant greeting to remind the neighbor that I’m here as your friend. You do not need to invite neighbors for dinner and regular parties in these tough economic times, but a pleasant conversation, a concerned inquiry about families, and an occasional assistance according to the level of friendship goes a long way in building a “cooperative” society. We need to reinstall these values of being friendlier to one’s neighbors again for a smile goes a very long mile. Neighbors should make an attempt to keep good relations and to make sure that we have good neighbors.
