Dr. Khaled M. Batarfi



Angie Bogota is a Colombian girl, who happened to study at the same school as a Saudi man and his sister in Auckland, New Zealand, seven years ago.



They were all young teenagers, then. The Saudi girl became her best friend, studying and staying together all the time: in school, after school and in the mosque, for a whole year.



She didn’t realize any special feeling for the bother, though, other than being a close friend. And after they finished their school and returned home, they stayed in touch.



His sister told her that the brother refused to get married during the last seven years, even under his parents intense pressure.



“I have been alone all this seven years, waiting a video call from him, waiting to hear how his day was, how his family was,” she writes.



“I have never stopped thinking about him and feeling much more — and different —emotions for him, than in New Zealand. His sister knows about our feelings for each other, but we never talk about that.



“He is in America now, pursuing his college studies. I went to America, too, for a job, and we met face to face after all.



“You know this feeling? When you meet someone you were dying to see after ages of longing and waiting? When you feel so happy, excited and afraid—so afraid—to lose each other again?



“We don’t want to be separated again—no way! We are not that young any more. We want to get married, this time, and stay with each other for ever. But … and this is a BIG BUT … we are lost for ways .. we don’t know how! 



“I cry almost every night before sleep, because it took us seven years to accept and face ours feelings. Both my family and his are supporting us, so why not the government? We don’t want to spend more years chasing paperwork just to be allowed to have our own family.



“I have been reading your recent articles about Saudi “Romeos” and foreign “Juliets” and wondering: How could it be illegal to love and be loved? How could it be illegal to honor this love in the holy alliance of marriage? How come that Allah created us to be male and female, peoples and tribes to get acquainted, as said in the Qur’an, then when we choose to obey Him, we can’t? How a new family to be built on the basis of love, respect and understanding between two attached souls not allowed to have its chance? How, how and how could this be the accepted norms in the Land of Islam and the Kingdom of Humanity?”



Khaled is a former Saudi student, with a happier experience. He writes: "Your article reflects painful reality of how love relationships end up, especially for students abroad! I personally have lived the same story a few years ago in Scotland. I never gave up the woman I loved. My family accepted her, my society too, but, alas, I was not accepted where she comes from! However, that was not a big of an issue for me!”



Abdullah is another Saudi student with a not-so-happy-ending love story. He writes: “I am a Saudi who dated a Canadian girl. If I learnt something, it is that: What really matters is what goes on between the couple. If they really care for each other, understand each other, and stand by each other, then the world will have to accept their holy union.



“I confess, though, in my case, we broke it off, because we found we were not compatible in any way and were not comfortable enough with each other.”



T. Tawfiq explains: “There are many Saudis who have married American, European and Arab women. It is not an impossible task, as it only requires the approval of concerned bodies in the Kingdom, and this has to be done by the Saudi ‘lover’ and not by the expatriate woman. If ‘love’ is true and sincere, then he should apply for it! Could it be that he does not share the same emotions, or maybe his family are against the idea? Let’s not blame the law for everything!”



Dr. Rasheid Small (Alfaisal University), writes: “You touch a matter which is at the core of the moral decay of our Muslim society in particular and society in general.



“The fundamental issue is what our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was entrusted with by Allah to eradicate. This root ‘status discrimination’ has been resurrected and used to inflame rifts and wars among Muslim communities.



“As human beings, we no longer see ourselves as equals, which is what the principles and message of Islam was all about, In fact, Bilal (may Allah be pleased with him) is a classic example of elevating people to an equal status based on their belief, character and conduct.



“In life, as in business, we as Muslims need to re-assess the manner in which we practice our religion and way of life, in order to be successful in this world and in the hereafter.



“Marriage based on the principles expounded in the Qur’an and the Hadith should form the foundations and cornerstones of our families, community, society and Muslim Ummah.”



I can’t agree more!



— Dr. Khaled Batarfi is a Saudi writer based in Jeddah. He can be reached at: Kbatarfi@gmail.com Follow him on Twitter: @Kbatarfi