DR. KHALED M. BATARFI



In response to the love story of Spanish-American Julieta and her Saudi Romeo in my last article, I received many responses. Some attempted to predict the future of the couple, if they did get married. Most were pessimistic about the mixing of cultures. Living in Saudi Arabia, having children from a foreign mother, enforcing the will of love on rejectionist families and an unfriendly society, seemed, for many, a recipe for an unsafe and unhappy life. Here is what others with similar experiences wrote:



Christina Nicole: “I am American and have a child from a Saudi father who left his son when I was five months pregnant. I would give the women of the world some advice: Be careful with Saudi students. They are sent abroad to study not to hook up with foreign women and get married. When his family find out, they get angry and force him to return home - alone. It is rare when one of them stays!”



Sahar: “I have been in Juliet's shoes. The outcome? Not so great! Family plays an important part in a couple's life. My "Romeo" married me and took us to Jeddah, against his mom’s wishes. In 12 years, we had three beautiful kids, but I was never accepted. I left the Kingdom with my children and a few carry-ons and had to raise them alone. My adult children are scarred for life.”



Kelly Turner: “I am a wife of a Saudi and a mother. Being in love with a tribal member does have its share of pain. Consider all your options, Julieta, before making that big leap. We, as converts, look up to Saudi Arabia as the perfect land of Islam, but, in reality, Saudis are just humans like the rest of us.”



Abdullah: “It is sad to see such real life stories happening, and there really isn't much we can do or much advice we can give. I lived this experience because my mother is Spanish-American. The red tape my parents faced was too much.



Therefore, my father documented his marriage in the Saudi Embassy in Washington, and we all returned to Saudi Arabia.



"However, this marriage was never sanctioned here. The best my father could do (with a little “wasta") was to register my mom as the wife of a Saudi in her residency ID. She has legally been living in Saudi Arabia for the past 25 years.



“All I can say to this poor girl is to appeal to the Minister of Interior and hopefully something good can be worked out for them.”



Dr. Muhammad: “I am not a Saudi. I belong to a religious Muslim family which is well aware of the teachings of Islam, but they did not allow me to marry my Ph.D classmate merely because she was not from our tribe. This phenomenon is even more common in other countries, so we should not relate it to Saudi Arabia or Islam.”



J. White: “Despite the fact that I am Muslim and Arab, Saudi society has never accepted me. Still, I’d say fight for your love, sister, and you’ll find a way out!”





Paulina: “I dated a Saudi for four years and now he left - nothing will be the same for me. Julieta, you will never be fully accepted or 100 percent happy because you need a family and he will lose his.”



Hart: “My mother wasn’t Saudi when she married my father. Society treated her as an outsider, even after she became Saudi. I suffered too. It finally worked well for me, and I am in deep love with two beautiful cultures. But, with a broken heart I would say to Julieta, think about the consequences. Love matters now, but troubles can be overwhelming.”



Now here is a message from Julieta to all of us: “My Romeo and I read your article and comments. We felt sorry, but not too upset, that many did not approve. I know that women's rights are not involved here, as some pointed out, but I just wanted to share my pain!

“I am grateful for your advice, but I have received similar advice for a long torturing year. However, I am deeply in love, so I won’t follow anything but my heart.



“Rest assured, though, that both of us are working on the problem, and other “humans” with good hearts and souls are helping. I won’t mention names or positions—it is hard enough to help—but I thank them all, and promise that I will never forget them in my prayers.  And thanks to you, too, for taking the time to participate in the discussion of our problem and of that faced by many other foreign Julietas and Saudi Romeos!”

 

The issue is open to debate, but we should not forget that we are the source of the tragedy. We should remember the commands of the Holy Qur'an and the importance of Arab hospitality. How can we face Allah five times a day knowing we are disobeying Him? How dare we regard ourselves as humans while we cold-bloodedly destroy young hearts and loving souls?



Let's remember Allah’s wisdom, as He says: "O you mankind, surely We created you of a male and a female, and We have made you races and tribes that you may get mutually acquainted. Surely the most honorable among you in the Providence of Allah are the most pious."



– Dr. Khaled M. Batarfi can be contacted at kbatarfi@gmail.com and followed on Twitter: @kbatarfi