Dr. Khaled M. Batarfi

• You think you know better than parents what’s best for their daughters?



- No, but I believe a girl knows better than you give her credit for.



• How would she? Innocent girls don’t know how the world works. A handsome foreigner, or non-tribal, with sweet tongue may spin her head into love and marriage. But we know better.



- What if he was a good Muslim, with good education, job and family?



• It is not enough! If he has no equal bloodline—or better—he would produce children with less purity and shame us all! Her sisters would suffer—the married might get divorced, and the non-married would lose their chances for a suitable marriage.



- Is that right? Is it Islamic?



• We have enough good Muslims with the right tribal status.



- What about her feelings … her choice?



• A good girl should adapt to life's reality, trust her parents' judgement, sacrifice, if necessary, for the general interest of her family and tribe.



- Then why are boys not required to worry as much about those interests? Why can a boy marry foreigners and non-tribals, but girls cannot?



• Because he could raise the status as a father, like a horse of a good breed, but she can’t. Besides, it is not as acceptable as you think. Children from mixed marriages suffer. They are not as desirable for marriage. We don’t encourage such marriages both ways.



That’s, in short, how the advocates of “equality marriage” think. So what do you think, dear readers? Here are your thoughts about my last article, “Girls in family prisons.”



- Professor Rasheid Small, Alfaisal University, wrote: “Yes, it is often agreed that a successful marriage is based on love. But often the portrayal of love is misconstrued with many other concepts other than what it means in reality.



“For the many females, like the lady in the article, the pains of being denied joy and happiness of marriage is often caused by external factors such as the refusal of the father and brother, the perceived preservation of traditions and social values such as tribal status, and internal factors such as the perception of the person herself.



“The basic criteria for marriage has not changed over time, but the misinterpretation of the criteria often results in the distortion of its interpretation and application.



“The primary purpose of marriage is the preservation of the Muslim Ummah through the harmonious building of family life through the beautiful gift of marriage. Thus when we view ourselves firstly as good Muslims then external interference in marriage will be reduced through the prioritization of tribal and societal value over our islamic values.”



- “This is really sad. Everyone should be allowed to marry with whom he or she wants. Sometimes our parents are overly concerned. Lots of nice Muslim girls have accepted their fates, but what else can they do?” Izdiher



- “No one should play with the feelings and emotions of anyone. Some minds don’t change but law can be.” Yasmin



- “Well, this kind of family prison has long gone in Malaysia. Malaysian girls are free to marry whoever she loves no matter their tribe, race, nationality, etc.” Dr. Che Supian Mohamad Nor



- “As an English revert to Islam, I can see that the reasons for this girl not marrying were not based on Islam. However, I am unable to decide if the article is telling me that the failure of good proposals was due to the mother being non Saudi — or due to the girl working and having a liberal upbringing. Possibly both?” Laura



- “Wonder how can this happen in a country where the Qur'an and Sunnah rule? I think an honest debate about social issues has not taken place because of too many taboos, fear of expression of thought.” Ahmed Saeed



- “Our Prophet (peace be upon him) gave us a guideline for choosing a partner. I cannot understand this tribe-issue at all. For my own, I would protest and not spend my life with someone I don't love.” Anne



- “Many expats in KSA have no social standings back home. Would a Saudi girl go to such environment, to live and raise kids?” Avid1111



- “This is also happening to boys from marriages with a non-tribal or a foreign mother. Their father married who he wanted, but control who his children would marry.” Um Abdullah



- “Confidential counseling centers with qualified counselors should be set up to help people find solutions with marriage, family and other problems in every city.” Fathima Khaleel



- “Even for Saudi men it is very difficult to marry non-Saudi wives. They should be allowed.” Sassy



- “This treatment is causing many women to leave their families and religion. How could men enjoy marrying whom they choose and deprive their sisters and daughters of the same right. Islam commands us to marry the person of our choice and commands others not to stand in the way of a valid proposition.”  Abdur Rahman



– Dr. Khaled M. Batarfi  can be reached at kbatarfi@gmail.com and followed on Twitter:@kbatarfi