Dr. Khaled M. Batarfi

Last week, during my Eid Holiday in Taif, I met with Dr. Abdulhai Turkistani, who has just retired, few months ago, from his work as director of the Media Department at the Royal Commission in Yanbu. An organized personality, his retirement plans were already laid out and the roadmap was in place. He is now fully committed to his work as social consultant in public, charity, academic and private institutions.



Dr. Turkistani told me about a research he did on the conditions of Saudi retirees. Most, he found, ended up with psychological and physiological problems. The reasons were many. But mostly it was about unpreparedness for the day after. Social venues and work opportunities for them were limited. This was especially true for the economically challenged people. Male were more affected than females, and city dwellers more than villagers and bedouins, where elders are treated with higher respect and are often consulted in tribal and family matters. Dignity does matter!



This reminds me of an old story. An Egyptian minister in King Farouq’s government retired. He became sick, and hardly able to leave his bed or home. Then a new cabinet was formed and his party nominated him to join.



Those who knew about his health troubles were surprised to see him the very next day striding into his ministry, with head up and shoulders stretched. His authoritarian voice was echoed in the corridors of the building with commands and comments as he went to his office. A miracle?! Not really. It was more of normal reactions to two opposite situations. With his power, dignity and prestige back, his body responded accordingly. Another retirement, and he could go back to bed! 



In his research, Dr. Turkistani explains this phenomenon. Here’s a summary of his findings and thoughts:



“The difference in experience among retirees is noted. The problem here is that most of them feel lonely after being surrounded with colleagues and friends most of their life. More importantly is the awful feeling of being discarded. Imagine yourself in the spotlight for so long. People seek your help and service — your opinion matters, your decision makes difference. The day after you get your final payroll check and say good bye to your office and colleagues, suddenly no one needs you or ask about you: Your phone goes to 'quite' mode, your car to 'sleeping' mode, your space to 'hush' mode.



"You stay home where only social visitors come your way. Your family is not used to having you permanently stationed there. You start to boss them around, for lack of alternative 'practice field'. Your wife cannot stand you in the kitchen asking her why and what, and criticizing her management style and way of work. Your kids prefer you don’t pick up the phone every time it rings. They hate it even more when you start  investigating and interrogating their friends. They begin to find out how backward, stubborn and annoying you are, and to think you are losing your mind.



"At the same time, you discover how ungrateful and un-appreciative they turned out to be. After 35 years of serving your country and society, and dedicating your life to your family and the education of your kids, no one cares for your opinion anymore. Your anger and disappointment may make you violent. You uphold your status. You defend your territory. You enforce your rules!



“You may insist your wife stay up all night, or stand all day to keep you company and serve your needs. That is regarded as domestic violence.  Or you may stay out all night, with 'out of service' friends like you, ignoring your family needs and neglecting your responsibilities toward them. Or you may over involve yourself with them and interfere in every aspect of their lives, wether they like it or not. That is domestic violence, too.



“How could you avoid getting there?Family planing is the answer. In cooperation with your family members, you should plan for your retirement early on. I did so. A year before my retirement day we had many family sessions to discuss our strategy. I told them my options and resources, explained the new situation, and enlisted their help. Our final plans were the accumulation of all ideas and thoughts, including that of the children.



"Now, I am working, traveling, and involved with my family affairs as a partner not a boss or an intruder. My retirement was not required, I still had years to go. In fact, my company tried to persuade me to stay longer. However, I chose an early retirement because my family and I were ready for it. I never regretted my decision. Life has never tasted sweeter.”



That was the successful experience of Dr. Abdulhai Turkistani, dear readers. What do you think of it? What do you suggest for retirees to prepare for the day after? Do you have plans of your own? Let’s hear them. Let’s share.