Dr. Khaled M. Batarfi

When I published the story of a young GCC woman who is faced with the dilemma of choosing the love of her life or abiding by the laws of her country and the wishes of her family, I received a letter containing strong advice from an American mother. She has been married to a Gulf Arab citizen for 27 years, and has children with dual citizenship who wish to marry American spouses, but are unable to get the permission of their government to do so. She advised the young GCC woman to follow her mind, not her heart, for as she pointed out, she and her children will suffer if she chooses to challenge her family and country. Now the young woman is responding, together with other readers who have strong thoughts, as well, about the issue. Here is a summary of the enlightening discussion.



• “I felt overwhelmed reading the American mother’s question of how I could face the world alone with my non-GCC-citizen children. It may seem too optimistic, but I think that if I work hard enough while taking advantage of what is available to me now, then maybe by the time that I decide to get married and have children, I will be able to afford paying for their education, health care and other services with ease. I know many foreigners who are living as comfortably as I am, even though they have expenses that I don’t.



“If, throughout the years, I find that the man that I marry is truly worth it, then I don’t think I will ever feel alone. I would be sad if my family decided to exclude themselves from my life, but I have to be willing to take some risks if I want to fight against these laws.



“This decision will always be a difficult one to make. What I am sure of though is that I will try my best to prevent having unhappiness befall my future children, not only with their basic needs, but even the smallest of luxuries, and this all comes down to whether I can work hard enough now to ensure this later.



“In terms of my children never feeling accepted, I honestly don’t know how to reply to that. As an independent thinker, and the daughter of a foreign mother, I myself never felt accepted, but it didn’t bother me and eventually I became thankful that my way of thinking was different in many good ways from that of other GCC citizens. Even if I don’t decide to marry this man, as long as I try my best to make it work, I feel that I will have nothing to regret. I have considered the risks many times, but I am still young which means that many changes can take place. Until then, I shall leave it up to faith.” — The young Gulf woman



• “Under the current laws, if  a Saudi woman should marry a foreigner, her life will be made miserable. I know that King Abdullah is advocating the empowerment of women. I request him to grant our children Saudi nationality. Saudi Arabia is their motherland and they should have the same rights as the children of a Saudi father and a foreign mother. What is the difference?!” — Saudi Mother



• “I am a Pakistani-British man, who has recently married a Saudi woman and we are expecting our first child. It seems that the Shoura Council and Saudi society are discussing now the issue of mixed-marriages. May I remind them of this quote from the Holy Qur’an: “We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another.” — Ramon Mohamed



• “One cannot choose parents or siblings, but the life partner is someone Allah gives us the freedom to choose.” — Maria Khan



• “Even if you do obtain the marriage permission, you will constantly face issues with visas, work permits, benefits, health care, etc. It saddens me to think of all the love that is lost, all the fights that are caused, and all the unnecessary heartbreak and pain caused by these regulations.” — Foreign Wife of a Saudi



• “You do not need a revolution. You need to go back to Islam. Racism and tribalism do not represent Islam. Do oppressed Gulf women defend the rights of poor hapless foreign maids? Hopefully, they themselves are not engaged in oppressing others. Otherwise, the oppression they get may just be a payback.” — John McDonalds



• “We need to rid people of their arrogance, bias and false superiority. Such beliefs are also badly hurting the proper development of the country. We need to be educated about basic Islamic teachings. Some will not allow their children to marry outside tribe or family, let alone non-Saudis! Then, and only then, the laws may change to reflect that we are all humans, regardless of race!” — T. Tawfiq



– Dr. Khaled Batarfi is a Saudi writer based in Jeddah. He can be reached at: Kbatarfi@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter @Kbatarfi