Dr. Khaled M. Batarfi
As a result of one-family, one child law in China, those who are lucky enough to have a male child, they shower him with love, admiration and attention. The result is what is called the “little emperors” — a new generation of spoiled kids, who treat others as servants who are made to dedicate their lives to satisfy the masters’ needs.
Selfishness rules in the new age. Today’s free market principles are interpreted by many as allowance to make money “ethics free”. Maximizing profit, minimizing cost, and doing whatever it takes to be on top and in front, are acceptable, even admirable, as long as you can get away with it. The measure of success in life has become more materialistic. Showing off wealth and power is called good image, while pretense is regarded as prestige.
“When we opened our shops in the morning, some of us get luckier. Customers would come to them first. In this case, the lucky merchant would direct the next customer saying ‘I’ve had my opening share this morning, please see my neighbors, who hadn’t had similar luck,’” said a merchant about the old good days in Jeddah. I’ve heard similar stories from all around the Arab world, when social standing had more to do with giving than taking, serving than being served, and sacrificing than plundering.
Another senior merchant related, “When the children of a famous merchant family decided to import food products to compete with a merchant specialized in the same products, the elders of their family were very upset. They took away the new shipment, and sold it at cost price to the other merchant with an apology for trespassing on his commercial territory. Today, businessmen may cut each other’s throats in competition, for pennies. No principles are respected anymore!”
Selfishness is a natural human tendency. Civilized cultures rectify it. Religions are basically set of rules, frames and modes that make up a culture of ethics. Goodness, passion and consideration are the antidotes of selfishness. Then come civic laws and regulations. Sophisticated societies punish those who abuse others while promoting self-interests and reward those who help, cooperate and support. In the absence of such rules and antidotes, the disease of “Me First” makes life a real jungle.
Islam is more about how we deal and treat each other than how we worship Allah, who doesn’t need us, but His children do. He says: (Verily prayer forbids indecency and dishonor.) (29:45) And the Prophet (peace be upon him) declares: (The most perfect of believers in faith is the most beautiful of them in character.) He also announces that he was sent to us to complete the best in our ethics and morals.
Still, many — too many — believe if they pray and fast, and do their worship duties that is enough to guarantee them paradise.
Unfortunately, our social education doesn’t help much. Following the example of their fathers and elders, children act as only the self matters. They grow up feeling that all they need to do to survive and proposer is to look after one’s own interests.
The other day, my son was telling me that his friends were blaming their country for not providing them with jobs and housing. Now that is so selfish! Why should the government, parents or society be responsible for providing a whole generation with all their needs, aspirations and even luxuries? What, in return, do or did they give back to their country, family and society? Isn’t it enough they were given full boarding and university education, free of charge? Why don’t they take responsibility for their own destiny, and start paying back their dues?
Selfishness shows its ugly face everywhere. We see it in the wasting of resources like water, energy, and food, without any regard for the have-nots and future generations. We see it on the road where you see lots of bad driving and poor eétiquette. It is not because drivers don’t know what is wrong and right, but because they want to jump ahead, park by the door, and reach there first. It doesn’t matter if such action would be at the expense of others — shocking traffic or delaying those who stood in line and followed the rules. All they care about is what is good for them.
“Me Comes First” is seen at its worst when laws are not strict, properly observed or justly applied. The same line-jumper, rule-breaker and fast-driver would not dare to do so in places or countries were such behavior is not tolerated. In Dubai, many of us follow traffic, civic and commercial regulations. They pay the rent on time, write valid checks, and refrain from harassing women in public, and generally respect rules and regulations that are not respected in their own country.
What do you think dear readers? How can we change this culture of selfishness? Would religion, education and media be useful tools? Or do we just need to apply stricter rules? Do we ignore our generation as a hopeless case and focus on the new generation? How? Lets share thoughts!
— Dr. Khaled M. Batarfi is a Saudi writer based in Jeddah. He can be reached at kbatarfi@gmail.com. Follow him at Twitter:@kbatarfi
