Mandating pre-marriage orientation coursesMY last article “How to reduce divorce rate?“ triggered some enlightening responses. Dr. Estabraq Alhachim, King Abdulaziz University, tells me about the existence of local initiatives for pre-marriage courses.

 

She says that the mentioned Malaysian and Qatari programs to fight the phenomena of divorce, are admirable. However, there are similar, if not as extensive, Saudi initiatives.

 

According to Dr. Alhachim, two decades ago, here in Jeddah, the late Prince Abdulmajeed Bin Abdulaziz, then Emir of Makkah Province, sponsored an initiative by a charity, under the Ministry of Social Affairs, to help underprivileged youth with marriage expenses. To get such support, couples must attend pre-marriage training and awareness seminars.

 

The mandatory program was a hit. It reduced divorce rates significantly. As the program got more sophisticated with age, it became more comprehensive. It has came to include all aspects of marriage life, taught by highly experienced professors, trainers, and religious scholars.

 

In the three-day course, young people learn how to deal with each other in respect, appreciation and civility. Issues like sex, health, pregnancy, women work and child upbringing were discussed in workshops and lectures.

 

Ten yeas ago, the Ministery of Social Affairs established a new society for marriage counseling, ALMAWADDA (intimacy). It was given the task of conducting the said programs independently from the original society.

 

ALMAWADDA also provides after-marriage sessions to help build personality and to consult on parenting and on dealing with teenagers.

 

In addition, it has provided telephone counseling services to discuss family disputes and mend fences in an atmosphere of privacy and tranquility.

 

A trained consultant establishes a confidential file for each case, which allows them and supervisors to review, follow up and check progress. 

According to Fatima Omari, a veteran trainer in this field, the Ministry of Social Affairs is presenting this project for discussion at the Shoura Council to become mandatory, starting at the beginning of next Hijra year, 1437.

 

Another enlightening response came from Dr. Rasheid Small, Prince Sultan College, Alfaisal University. He writes: “In South Africa, the Muslim community represents 2% of the total population of 53 million, and thus to maintain the life of a Muslim community is challenging since the judiciary is governed by Westernized laws.

 

“The divorce rate in the Muslim community follows the global trend which is not only scary, but demoralizing as the rate among newly wedded couples has spiraled out of control — being married for one year has become an acceptable norm.

 

“The Muslim ulema and masjid committee of the Northern Suburbs of Cape Town decided to become pro-active in addressing the alarming issue and have instituted a series of programs with the goal of reducing the divorce rate in the area. The results have been positive.

 

“Firstly, the marriage contract was amended to incorporate a clause which committed the married couple to seeking intervention strategies through counseling when the risks of divorce are identified. The commitment is to pursue a strategy of restoring the marriage and working hard to salvage it.”

 

The series of programs include:

 

1. Mandatory pre-marital courses for couples before getting married. The object is to teach them the Islamic way in marriage, focusing on the duties, rights and responsibilities of the parties.

 

2. Mandatory family relation. The object of the course is to teach the couple family responsibilities (joint and collective lifestyle changes and management — moving from I to we) as well as how to manage extended family relationships.

 

3. Family financial management. The object of the course is to teach the couple how to plan and manage the family/joint income and costs, collectively and responsibly.

 

4. Parenting. The objective is to teach the couple how to prepare and do family planning, and how to raise children the Islamic way.

 

5. Communication and negotiation. The object is to improve communication and negotiate and resolving problems within the family in order to maintain a balanced life.

 

6. Trauma management. The objective is to teach the couple the skills to deal, manage and overcome difficulties, disappointments and setbacks in marriage and life.

 

“Furthermore, in case of the unfortunate divorce, the ulema through the regional Muslim agencies and NGO’s provides counseling to mend relations. If divorce couldn’t be avoided, we counsel couples on how to manage children’s custody in civilized and healthy relations.”

 

Dear readers, we have a lot to learn, more to research and tons of issues to resolve, before declaring victory.

 

As a first step, I call on the Shoura Council to approve the proposition presented by ALMAWADDA society, to enforce mandatory pre-marriage orientation course.

 

The Ministry of Social Affairs should establish similar societies around the Kingdom.

 

Universities have to do more research on this issue. School and college curriculum must educate students about marriage, parenting and gender relations. But first, we need to be aware of the dangerous phenomenon to get serious about it.