Dr. Khaled M. Batarfi
Lian is 34 years old, 4 years younger than her older sister, and two less than her other one. Like them, she is not married yet. She explains: “Most young men are shallow. They are not intellectual or spiritual enough. I am not asking for a philosopher or a religious scholar. But, at least, he should have a purpose in life — a vision, a mission and a road map. How could this happen if he could not understand even what these terms mean?
Hayat, 32, agrees. She hasn’t yet met a man who understands what real romance means. In addition, they don’t seem to grab what marriage is about.
For them, it is an adventure, a social requirement, a love story that must end in engagement. What about all other parts of a life-time story? What are our plans for a successful, productive and happy life? How are we going to feel secure if we don’t find ways to fight boredom, disagreements and economic challenges? Are we capable of inventing creative ways to renew our lives at every stage, and whenever routine strangles its freshness?
Lila, 28. is concerned most about commitment. She hasn’t met yet any man who feels solid, dependable and responsible. The men in the new generation, she says, are not manly enough. They seem more like kids, even in their twenties and thirties. All they care about is how to keep the fun of their pre-marriage life. Such life style includes nightly gathering in cafes and homes of their friends and colleagues. They prefer to spend their free times with them more than with their wives and kids.
It gets worst when they face challenges. Instead of facing their work or marriage troubles, and economic difficulties as a united family, they prefer to deal with these issues on their own, or with friends. If they fail, they let go of their wives.
Malak, 26, says she has seen it all. Why take the risk? Every marriage in her family has failed, or has became a boring routine. Some wives fought for years to keep their homes intact, at least for the children’s sake. Not all fights ended in victory. Her friends and neighbors are not better in luck.
Finally, she decided to keep working and advancing her career. She doesn’t need a man to take care of her now. With her good position and salary, she could afford to support herself and mother.
Many girls sought education, here and abroad, to avoid societal pressure to marry. Work and continuous self-development become the excuse and distraction of choice to continue their unmarried life. “Why risk a good, sure-footed life for a very risky one?,” says Amani, 19. She and her friends and sisters decided to try an independent life, long enough, before having to make a choice they may eventually regret. “Marriage can wait! When the right Mr. Charming comes, we could always change course. But why the rush! We have a lot to achieve before he shows up!”
What are your thoughts, dear readers, on this phenomenon? Is unmarried life an option for a Saudi, an Arab or a Muslim girl? Why and why not?
Here’s your comments on my last article “Divorce rate.”
— “In the old days, couples endure unhappiness to protect marriage. Today, the shame is gone. An irritated man drops his wife like a used napkin. Women know it so they demand big dowries and they keep their jobs. It is actually good that people are no longer trapped for 50 years.” Hana
— “Married couples had no choice in the past but to stick with abusive partners. Now, you just can't have marriages without spending quality time together.” Ramon Mohamed
— “Couples should take responsibility of married life instead of loosening freedom.” Mohammed
— “Allah created men and women for specific and different purposes. In the name of freedom and modernity, influenced by Western culture and media, women are trying to enter men’s domains. This causes conflict and divorce.” Mohammad A.
— “The main reason for so many divorces is intellectual differences that translate in daily decisions and become a source of dispute.” Sehrish
— “This down-spiraling divorce rate will continue, unless we learn and implement Islamic principles.” Abu Abdullah
— “Clerics and parents may force a marriage but its survival depends on the married couple.” John
— “Research must be conducted on why this high divorce rate is prevalent in Riyadh and Makkah.” Faiz Al-Najdi
— “I am happily married for over fifty years by following the commands of Allah and the way of His Messenger (peace be upon him). Successful marriage is built on love and commitment between the spouses.” Ismaeel Marikar
— “Some families think of marriage as a fat dowry, girls think freedom and boys female partners. All have to understand that marriage is a gift for a better life. Let couples decide in their own capacity. Parents should help them gain that capacity.” Afnan
— “Not allowed pre-marriage interaction, lead to after-marriage shocking realization of incompatibility.” Khalid Ansariy
